So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
