even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
