Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
