A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
