I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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