ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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