She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
