I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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