then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
