guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
