Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
