What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
