So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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