how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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