What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Randomize
