We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
