I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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