If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
