I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
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