so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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