omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
