Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
