He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
