These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
