I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
