We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
