His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
