He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
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