i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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