Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
