I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
