I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
and she was petting her beer can
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
