I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
