hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
