Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
