I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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