it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
