Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm having to shit out rocks
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