She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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