I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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