How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
