so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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