You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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