It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
