I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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