I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
