Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
