I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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