She is in my trunk
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
