And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
